This is what I woke up to this morning. Thoughts on bullying. The thing is, I was bullied badly as a child, it affected me massively. It got to the stage where others wouldn’t talk to me either because the bullys would have made their lives hell too . I’d like to think I’m well over it, but in truth I will never go to a school reunion in case I end up meeting them, I’ll friend anyone on Facebook, but I vet old school friends very carefully, and if I see a friend request from someone, and they have any of the three names of those that made my life hell for a year on their friends list, I’ll ignore it.
I don’t feel its because I haven’t forgiven them, I am sure I couldn’t be further from their minds, and in fact they don’t even consider themselves as bullies – theys were just kids.
But the effects of it run deep.
Now, because of the work I am doing on me, I can recognise where that experience affects me, most of the time. Outwardly, I’m confident, fun, funny…and incredibly overweight. I’m a work in progress!
I can probably say I also went on to bully other people as I tried to develop a ‘hard’ exterior, where I didn’t care what people thought, even when I so desperately did. I wanted it to appear like it was all water of a ducks back yet underneath It all, I was desperate to fit in, to be one of them.
I’m a highly sensitive emotional person. I cry daily. Things that upset me most are when I read reports of kids taking their lives, god knows what kind of place they must be in to do that. It breaks my heart. I feel totally for them, their families, and for the ones that helped put them in that place.
My thoughts on bullying this morning were triggered by a video where the mother had recorded her eight year old daughter’s reaction to being bullied… She reminded me of me. It made me want to just scoop her up and hug her, to let her know it will be ok, that she will get through it, and that this experience will make her stronger, and it will help her to help others.
Kids don’t understand bullying, or its affects. Often, by the time they actually get it, its too late. I dont know what the answer is, only that it begins with love. To love what makes us different. To love the emotions we feel as kids, because they are at their strongest when we are small. How do you teach that to children?